dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
