so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
