i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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