cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
