Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
