piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
