just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize