It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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