It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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