she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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