Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
