come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize