Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
