You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
