I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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