You're completely useless in the revolution.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize