Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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