I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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