I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
