you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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