On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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