I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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