I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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