Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
