I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He has the fingertips of a God
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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