I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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