After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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