You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think I won the penis lottery.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
