Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
