i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
