I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
