A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
this is an emotional support booty call
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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