so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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