U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
