So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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