We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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