Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
