the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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