At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
