you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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