I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
