whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
