I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
