But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
