Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
