What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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