yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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