"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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