First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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