walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
