The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
