Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
