i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
