We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
