i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
