So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
