What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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