I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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