I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize