Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
