I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
