not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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