sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
